God

The empty parts of me

I’m in the middle of Beth Moore’s “Living Free” Bible study, which I’m doing along with a handful of other ladies. I needed to flesh out a little of what I’ve been pondering this week.

One of the things Beth said is this:

“The mystery I will never fully understand is why we would trade God, the only source of genuine satisfaction, for worthless idols that can never satisfy. Yet that transaction calls to you and to me every day of our lives.”

I loved this statement. I agree with it. I, too, am a little confused by the truth in it.

It makes me think of what Paul said in Romans 7:15:

“For I do not understand my own actions. For I do not do what I want, but I do the very thing I hate.” (ESV)

I am a little encouraged that I am not alone in this. It amazes me how I continue to seek out satisfaction in things – in people, relationships, attention of others, food, and so many other things – that I already know won’t give me what I want or need.

I’ve had moments where I knew God was trying to teach me to depend solely on Him – that there isn’t anything else (or anyone else) that can fill my soul. I remember one of those moments came when Elisa was a baby. She was about 5 or 6 months old – and Ricky had very recently been diagnosed with Leukemia. I was trying to stop depending on my relationship with my husband to satisfy my soul, because I had no idea whether or not he’d still be here in a year – and I didn’t want to be left entirely devastated. So, then, without even realizing it – I turned to my perfect little baby to fill the empty spaces in me. I would stay awake at night and watch her sleep because I was afraid that if I left her side for a moment that she would stop breathing and my whole world would come apart. She became everything to me – to the exclusion of the One I really needed.

One night, when I was watching Elisa sleep – I began to cry. I was so terrified of losing my husband and daughter that the fear was beginning to consume me. I was beginning to have a hard time functioning normally. I had become crazy overprotective, and was beginning to hate that part of me. I pulled out my Bible and began to read. I started to read through the Psalms and found so many verses that talk about finding my satisfaction in God alone, He alone is God, God alone is my rock and my salvation, and so many more. I was overwhelmed with the understanding that God wanted me to look only to Him to satisfy me. That night I surrendered my husband and my Elisa to Him. I came to understand that God could take them away from me in a split second if He thought it was best and there would be nothing I could do about it. I had to come to grips with the fact that they are not mine at all, but God’s – and they will never satisfy the empty parts of me. Only God can do that.

I will never forget that night – I will never forget that moment of surrender. It’s been almost 8 years since that night – but I still have to surrender them to God on a regular basis – sometimes even daily. How quickly we return to our old ways. I am so grateful that I know a God who so often and so freely gives grace to those who seek Him.

Jesus, thank You for Your grace today. For Your desire and ability to fill me up in all of my empty places. I pray that today I will look only to You to sustain me. That You alone will be my desire.

“You open Your hand and satisfy the desies of every living thing.
The LORD is righteous in all His ways and loving toward all He has made.
The LORD is near to all who call on Him, to all who call on him in truth.
He fulfills the desires of those who fear Him; He hears their cry and saves them.
The LORD watches over all who love Him, but all the wicked He will destroy.
My mouth will speak in praise of the LORD,
let every creature praise His Holy Name forever and ever!”

(Psalm 145:16-21)

My favorite quote

If you’ve known me for very long, you’ve probably heard my favorite quote. I actually have two. One is “The mighty oak was once a little nut that stood its ground.” which goes along with my life verse “If you do not stand firm in your faith, you will not stand at all.” – Isaiah 7:9

The quote I’m talking about, though is this one…

“Life is 10% what happens to you and 90% how you react to it.” I first heard it over 10 years ago in high school drill team. It dramatically changed my life. I have probably quoted it over a hundred times since then – at least. I also about 5 years ago fell in love with Charles Swindoll – his book “The Grace Awakening” especially. I consider him to have had a huge impact on my walk with Christ. I LOVE that the man who has had the most impact on my spiritual walk is responsible for the quote that has had the most significant impact on my character.

I don’t know why I never looked it up to see who wrote it – but I am so glad I now know. Here is the whole quote:

“The longer I live, the more I realize the impact of attitude on life.
Attitude, to me, is more important than facts.
It is more important than the past, than education,
than money, than circumstances, than failures, than successes,
than what other people think or say or do.
It is more important than appearance, giftedness, or skill.
It will make or break a company … a church … a home.

The remarkable thing is we have a choice every day
regarding the attitude we will embrace for that day.
We cannot change our past.
We cannot change the fact that people will act in a certain way.
We cannot change the inevitable.

The only thing we can do is play on the one string we have, and that is our attitude …
I am convinced that life is 10% what happens to me, and 90% how I react to it.
And so it is with you … we are in charge of our Attitudes.

~ Charles Swindoll

Thanks to Rachel Rowell for the information – it made my day (maybe even my week)

Excellence honors God

I read a quote today that I had never heard before:

” No crooked table legs or ill-fitted drawers, I daresay, ever came out of the Carpenter’s shop in Nazareth.” – Dorothy Sayers

I am quite moved by this quote. I have always believed that excellence honors God – that we should always give our very best in all that we do in order to really bring Him glory. That when we are unprepared or unpracticed we miss the point. I feel this way with music in regards to worship. I, personally, have a difficult time worshipping onstage when I feel unprepared. I find myself concentrating more on the notes and chords than on the One I’m singing/playing about. I hate that. This quote is pretty significant to me – I can’t imagine that Jesus ever sold something that wasn’t His very best work. I can imagine that He worked long and hard to make sure that everything was “perfect”. I had never thought of that before. I pray that it occupies my thoughts today so that I will give everything I have to the work God has for me today. I pray it also for you.

One thing He has spoken, two things have I heard…

Isn’t it amazing how when you’re spending time in His word – you often don’t want to leave it. I think that’s why it’s so important to memorize scripture – so that it’s “hidden in your heart” & you never have to leave it – or better yet it never leaves you. I truly, truly enjoyed the scripture I read today. I read Job 14 & 15, Psalm 62 & Hebrews 18. I like going through the bible in a year plan b/c I love reading the old and new testaments together – and especially love reading a psalm or two a day.

In Psalm 62 – here is part of what I read & after that is what stood out to me about it…

“My soul finds rest in God alone; my salvation comes from him.
He alone is my rock and my salvation; he is my fortress, I will never be shaken.” (v 1-2)

“Trust in him at all times, O people; pour out your hearts to him, for God is our refuge. (v8)

“One thing God has spoken, two things have I heard: that you, O God, are strong, and that you, O Lord, are loving. Surely you will reward each person according to what he has done.” (v11-12)

The last part is my favorite. You, O God, are strong & You, O Lord, are loving. What a perfect combination. What if He was strong, but not loving? Think about it. What if He was loving, but not strong? It amazes me how perfectly true that statement is. I am going to praise Him today because He is both strong AND loving. He is able to accomplish any task, to handle any situation, to take care of anything I need – and He loves me enough to do all of that. He will work everything out for good. He is able to do immeasurably more than I ask or imagine – and I can trust that He will. Praise God!

I Will Go

I just got back from church. I help with the worship at the weekly youth service. Tonight was kind of a big night because most of our youth are leaving for Honduras on Saturday early am for a mission trip. We introduced a new song tonight – my very favorite song in the world right now – it’s called “I Will Go” by Starfield. It is incredibly appropriate for the youth right now – it’s all about being obedient to go wherever God leads you. I cannot begin to describe how much I love this song. After we sang it tonight I got shaky. It has always been my dream to “go”. I’ve always envisioned myself going all over the world to tell people about Jesus. However, I have never been anywhere. Seriously. I’ve been on a plane one time and that was a short 45 minute trip to Corpus Christi for a work trip several years ago. I’ve never been out of the country. In fact, I think the farthest I’ve gone from home is Illinois (for a family reunion when I was a kid).

Last Sunday morning we had a special time of prayer for the group that is about to leave for Honduras. Only moments into the prayer time, I found myself sobbing. For a bunch of reasons. One of which was that I so desperately wished that I could go with them. I was sad that I was not able to go. My mother went to Africa many years ago and I wanted to go with her. She almost went back a second time and I prayed hard that God would allow me to go then. There have been so many opportunities – and each time God has made it clear that I was not to go. I’ve often found myself acting like a little kid that wasn’t allowed to do something that their sister was able to do – pouty and whiny that I didn’t get to go. Sunday morning – God gave me an attitude check. I realized that although I have not been allowed to go up to this point – I have been allowed to “go” right here. For this season in my life, I am to go and tell to all of Jerusalem – and I have to be good with that. I am not called to Honduras right now – or Peru – or Africa. Although I still hold out hope that someday God will allow me to “go” a little further from home – right now I am excited about my Jerusalem. I am excited that God would choose to use me right here. I will be content with where I am – and allow God to use me to reach the people right around me. I will go – wherever He leads.

“I want to live for You, go where You lead me,
I want to follow You…
Take everything I am, I’m clay within Your hands
I will go, I will go, send me!”

A Dose of Perspective

I read a post by Tally Wilgis just now that I couldn’t keep from sharing with you. Check it out here. It’s all about his observations during a visit to another church. The best part is at the end…

“Each week when Christians and Selfians collide… someone WILL BE uncomfortable. Why is it that the Christians want to make the Selfians uncomfortable? Why can’t the Christians say “If someone has to be uncomfortable in this transaction, let it be us. I’m okay with letting my saved family do church in a theater with beer ads all around.” The way those beer ads hit many church goers is the same way a stained glass window, a tie, or hymnals hits the Selfians. If I KNOW there will be SOMEONE uncomfortable… I want it to be our church members and attendees. Let it be me! If it will allow my selfian friend to see Christ in his own context… so be it.”

Good stuff – right?

The Importance of Journaling

I pulled out my old journals last night. Before I get started in what I want to tell you I need to make sure you understand what a journal is to me. It is more of a prayer journal than anything else. It’s a record of my walk with God and journey through life – acknowledging where God is, what He’s doing and what it has to do with me.

The first one I looked at I had actually started a few days before I met Ricky (my husband). It was so interesting to see what I had been learning and thinking during that time and how much it spoke to my situation. I then read through the journal that I kept during the time that I was pregnant with my daughter. Then the one that I started right after she was born. Good stuff. Emotional stuff.

The one that I most enjoyed, though was the one that I kept during the time that my husband was diagnosed with leukemia. He has been in remission now for 5 years, so no need to be concerned. I am only sharing this because I noticed something in that journal that was different from the other journals. In that journal, I wrote every day. Sometimes multiple times per day. I wrote longer entries than in the other journals and I acknowledged and praised God more often. I noticed that during that incredibly difficult and depressing time – I noticed God more often than during the wonderful times in my life (meeting the love of my life – and preparing for the birth of our daughter). I knew God better during that time – obviously because I talked to Him more often. I made time for God because He was the only stable, solid and good thing in my life at that point.

This is the stuff that James was talking about in James 1 – (consider it pure joy whenever you face trials). It is during these trials that we find out more about God than the surface level stuff. We get to experience for ourselves the love of the Father – the comfort and the strength that He gives. That’s why journaling is so important. Last night I was taken back to that time – through my own eyes. I remembered the emptiness I felt and the way God filled it with His love. It was like reliving the experience – but most of what I wrote focused on God – and not on me. It was like drawing closer to Him all over again.

Journaling is important – it helps us to remember the ways God has provided – it helps us to not make the same mistakes we did back then – to look forward and to be different – to be better.

Go find a journal and get started – I’ll do the same.

Changed lives change lives!

I just read a post from Steve Dilla called “Conceptually Speaking” (great title, by the way), and I wanted to share it with you. You can find it here.

In his post, he included the following quote from Erwin McManus: “people are not interested in sermons, they are interested in experiencing our experience with God.”

He followed up Erwin’s quote with this:

“Have you been changed by the Truth? If you have, you could sit down with me in any coffee shop, on any day, and tell me about that change – unprepared, unpracticed, just working verbally through what God is doing in your life. It is often the moment people experience the Holy Spirit working in someone else’s life that they long the most for it. It is when our public speaking comes full force from our spiritual journey that the doors swing wide open for life change.”

WOW – really well said!

People won’t take us seriously unless we speak from experience. Why should they? I wouldn’t. Speaking from experience gives us a certain authority on the subject. I can dispute ideas and theories all day long – but when someone speaks from their own experience – from their heart – I am WAY more likely to care about what they are saying.
BUT – in order to speak from experience – my primary focus HAS to be on my personal relationship with God. Seems like a DUH right? In ministry, there are so many things that need to be done – that won’t get done unless we do them – that our own spiritual health sometimes takes a backseat. When we make them our primary focus, we become less effective as influencers. When our primary focus is on God and knowing Him better and loving Him more – then we will be able to love and lead others in a real and powerful way.

Leverage

I read a post today from Jason Berggren who has made a recent announcement about changing careers to pursue his passion. Here is a paragraph:

“Truth be told, the thought that in 10 years I could be looking in the mirror wondering why I didn’t try to pursue my passion more aggressively also haunts me. We have one life. Let me say that once again. We have one life. One life to leverage all that we can to make a difference with all that we have.”
The above paragraph – especially the last sentence – really hit home with me. Not because I am realizing that there is something more that I am supposed to be doing – but because I’m doing it now. My entire life up to this point has been preparing me to do what I’m doing now. I am absolutely certain that God has put me in the place that I am “for such a time as this”. (I’ve been really taken with the story of Ruth lately – incredible story – you should check it out.)
The underlying passion throughout my life has been music. I’m pretty sure I couldn’t survive without it. Over the last 3 years (especially this last one) I’ve been learning how to worship through music. Really worship. When I’m worshiping in that way it’s like I’m doing what I was always meant to – like it’s the reason I was created – and that I’m preparing for eternity when I’m singing to God in worship. I am constantly amazed at how much I’m learning in the middle of this ministry. I am just SO honored to be a part of it. I don’t understand why God has allowed me this opportunity – but I am definitely going to give it everything I have – for as long as He lets me do it (forever would be fine with me).
I’ve also never felt this sense of urgency before – that if I don’t tell them about Christ – no one will! My husband and I prayed last night that God would give us scripture to pray for the people of Roanoke – we were drawn to the story of John the Baptist and the calling of the first disciples. When God said, “follow me” – they immediately did. Not because He looked cool, but because they already knew who He was and when He came to town they were ready to give their lives to Him. John the Baptist came first. To tell them. There was something different about him. He was wild and obviously passionate. He was constantly saying “I am not the Christ – but I can tell you that He’s coming – and you won’t believe how wonderful He is!” That’s my passion right now. I want to connect with the people of Roanoke in such a way that they will know that I have passion – that there is something different about me. That there’s something different about Compass.
I have gone off on a tangent – I know. Here’s one last verse from Jason’s blog. At Compass we’ve come across this verse a few times in the last few months – it’s really meaningful to me.
“And in this I give advice: It is to your advantage not only to be doing what you began and were desiring to do a year ago; but now you also must complete the doing of it; that as there was a readiness to desire it, so there also may be a completion out of what you have. For if there is first a willing mind, it is accepted according to what one has, and not according to what he does not have.” 2 Corinthians 8:10-12

Purpose for Today

On the Monday Morning Insight blog, there are a few recent quotes from Rick Warren, one of which really caught my attention:

“It doesn’t matter how much you accomplish. If at the end of the day you don’t know God a little bit more and you don’t love God a little bit more, you have just wasted your day.”
What a simple statement. But I’d never thought of it that way before. Any day not spent pursuing God is a waste. Cool stuff. What a great reminder that the only purpose I have is to know God and love God more – and to give Him all of me – all the time.