Funny Kid Stories

Okay, so I’ve always thought my kids were entertaining. But sometimes they are downright hilarious! Here are a few recent examples..

Wisdom from an 8 year old (all of this happened during the car ride home from school):

First…
E: “I think it must take a long time for food to go from our mouth all the way back out.”
Mom: “Actually, baby it has to go through a lot of organs before it’s ready to come back out – like your stomach and your intestines.”
E: “Hey – dogs have intestines too! I learned that from Martha Speaks.” Then, in her best know-it-all voice…”See mom, Martha Speaks is educational. That’s why I should always get to watch it. And Cyberchase too cause it teaches fractions.”

Then…
E: “I wonder if anyone knows how to stop the water from coming out when they need to go to the restroom. I think the scientists should really figure that one out.”

And my very favorite…
As we were driving into our neighborhood there was a kid with his parents all out in the middle (the actual middle) of the street! They didn’t even look up or move when we (in my huge van) finally had to just drive around them! Then my 8-yr old said..
E: “I wonder if they are hobos. (pause) One of my friends in Sunday School said that hobos are d-u-m-b (she spells it cause she thinks it’s a major bad word) cause they go into the street and just lay down until cars run over them. But I think they just sit next to the street and ask for food and money and clothes and stuff cause they are actually homeless.”

Wisdom from a 2-year-old:

First…
The other day Syd was lifting up and down her shirt because she thought it was funny. Then suddenly she stopped and said…
S: “Mommy, mommy look! (then she pointed at her chest) – I have bra!”

And last night…
After tooting on me and laughing she suddenly had a very concerned look on her face and said…
S: “Mommy? Yesterday I toot on Christian’s mommy.”
Mom: “What, baby?”
S: Yesterday I toot on Aunt Chelle.”

Don’t really have any wisdom from the 1-year-old yet, but give her 6 months or so and I’m sure she’ll be just as genius as the other two.

Man, I love my kids!

Hello, is this Poison Control??

So I know I already posted about our close call from last night with the dog’s overdose, but needed to update you with our second ‘overdose’ of the last 24 hours. Seriously.

I was cleaning the kitchen and looked over to find Syd (my 2 yr old) on the couch holding my newly bought bottle of pepcid complete. I forgot to put it back up on the counter this morning after taking one – OH NO!

I ran over to the couch to find a very happy, sneaky looking kid, an empty bottle, a pile of chalky pink tablets all over the couch and one in her sneaky little mouth. Asked her to spit it out – too late – already swallowed. I began counting the tablets. There were 25 in the bottle to begin with minus the 2 I had over the last 24 hours minus the 19 I found piled up on the couch and that leaves 4 TABLETS!! I asked her how many she ate and she said 5 – but she’s two and can’t count – so I figured my math was more correct.

I immediately called Poison Control and they said that she will probably be constipated, and might throw up, but it won’t kill her. So, I hung up the phone ready to kill her myself (just kidding for all you who have your hand on the phone about to call child protective services) – and had a very serious talk with her about why you shouldn’t eat medicine that mommy doesn’t give you. She laughed – I cried – good talk.

So it is now only 11:45 and already I’ve had to clean up the aluminum foil that Syd spread across the den (it is now in a very lovely aluminum foil ball b/c I couldn’t get it rolled back up), clean up the mess from my dog throwing up a sock (yes – he also eats socks!), and call poison control to make sure my daughter was not going to die from an antacid overdose. I’m laughing out loud even typing it all!!

Yes, ladies and gentlemen, I am in the running for mom of the year – and I’m sure after this post I have your vote.

My 2 year old music critic and my huge chocolate eating dog

It was one of those nights last night. It was bath night – so that was an adventure in and of itself. It was also the night before Elisa’s valentine party at school. I hadn’t been feeling well all day – so I asked Ricky to go to the store and get the valentines along with some pepcid and gatorade (cause of course I forgot to get valentines until the night before – ugh).

We put the youngest 2 down to bed and then Elisa began working frantically on her valentines (which we had again forgotten about). She finished them in less than an hour and headed off to bed. About 30 minutes later Ricky and I heard some rustling in the living room, which is where Elisa had been working on her valentines, and both of us instinctively called out “Elisa – BED!” forgetting we’d already sent her to bed. Then along came Tux (my giant puppy-boxer) trotting along at a pretty quick pace. I told Ricky that he only came running like that when he’d been into something he shouldn’t have been. Then we both looked at each other and realized that the valentines were in the other room (complete with a piece of chocolate on each one!)

The valentines were EVERYWHERE!! All but one of the chocolates were gone – he ate 20 pieces of chocolate!!! We started freaking out – not only because he had eaten alot of chocolate, but because in his frenzy to get to the chocolate he pretty much destroyed the valentines our little angel had spent so much time and effort on!

I read the bag and it turns out that he only ate about 9 oz of chocolate after all – not nearly enough to be fatal. Thank God! He didn’t even get sick – he must have a stomach of steel!

I spent the next hour trying to recover Elisa’s valentines. Luckily I found a bag of chocolate that my mom had bought about a week ago – so I was able to put them back together (and replace a few of them that the dog ate along with the chocolate). Hopefully Elisa won’t be sad that it looks all different. Oh, and by the way – during this fiasco we needed to find out how much he weighed so we’d know how much chocolate was too much chocolate – turns out he weighs in right at 75 POUNDS!!! I knew he was big – but oh man!!

On another note…

This morning while we were driving Elisa to school I turned on the radio.
Syd immediately calls out – “No, mom – not THAT song!”
(Note: it was a very slow, sweet, lovey-dovey song).
So I changed it to PowerFM and I think it was Skillet playing and she said – “Yeah, that one!”
I laughed so hard!! Just to test it out again – on the way home I changed it back to KLTY (disclaimer: I honestly love KLTY – and listen to it regularly) which was playing again a very slow sweet song. She yells out – “I don’t like that song!” I switched it back to Power FM and she yells out – “Yeah – yeah! That one!”

So I guess my 2 year old has inherited my taste in music – woohoo!

Growing Pains

My daughter, who just turned five yesterday, woke up this morning complaining about an aching leg. I told her that it was just growing pains (although it was probably just that she slept funny) and that because she is five now, she must be getting bigger. She asked if that meant she would need to go to work like Mommy and Daddy.
Isn’t it funny that she thought that because she was getting bigger – she must already be “big”. I tried to explain to her that there was much more growth that needed to happen before she needed to get to work. She asked if there were some things she could do now. “Of course” I told her – she can do chores and feed the cat. There are lots of things she is ready to do now – the size that she is.
I wonder if that applies to me? Just because I’m growing doesn’t mean I’m ready for everything God has in store for me just yet. But I AM able to do SOME things. I just need to make sure that He is the One deciding what I am able to do – and not me. I also hope that I am able to do those things He’s entrusted me with as enthusiastically as my daughter does her chores. She is so excited to be able to do things for me – hoping to make me proud. She never thinks about the things she is not able to do yet – because she considers it a privilege to do things I let her do. God is so much smarter than I am – he knows what I’m ready for and what I’m not. I need to remember that it is such an incredible privilege to get to do the things He allows me to do. He obviously doesn’t need me. I’m not THAT important. But how great it is to be invited to be in on the God things that are happening around me.

Wisdom from a 4-Year Old

My 4-Year old has a unique understanding of things. Sometimes I wish that I thought the way she did. She started Kindergarten last week and is learning this week about Creation – specifically the first few verses in the Bible. So, she has been asking a lot of questions – and I am loving it. Yesterday, on our way to school, she asked me if Jesus was God – and if so, how.
Well, I explained to her that yes – Jesus was also God – and then gave her the ice/water/steam analogy in the simplest way that I possibly could. She then said – very matter-of-factly – “Oh, I see – His first name is Jesus and His middle name is God.”